Themes and concepts aren’t necessarily just things to study in books, plays, and art they are in fact a blatant presence in life. Therefore it is really no surprise I find myself exploring and debating a theme that is of course a major part of my year and in life in general, Christian. Not Christianity but the word Christian. My name being a slight variation of this words I find myself angry with what it has become, what the MEANING has become. Throughout the year I have heard many people discuss the meaning of “being a Christian” in many different ways. Some laugh and joke about the extrinsic stereotypes of what they wear or the music they listen too. But what the stereotype of “Christian” has become is in fact not a laughing matter, at least if based on how the world outside of Christianity views the self-identifying word the word is in trouble.
In the states I could easily tell you the connotations that accompany someone identifying as a Christian and at first I thought they were different here in Belfast, but they are not. If you tell someone outside of Christianity you are a Christian the automatic reaction is nearly always the same, distrust. The pride I feel in my beliefs and my journey of faith is great but the pride I feel when I answer yes I am a Christian is absolutely lacking. Recently, that dreaded question has plagued me more then before, likely because I am being asked more then ever before, yet if someone asks the question in a different way without the word Christian, I answer with ease and pleasure. So what’s the meaning and connotations of the word Christian that are holding me back?
Sometimes those who also define themselves as Christian ask me innocently, but even then the connotations are ominous. Am I in their club? Am I on their side of the line? As though admitting this word is all that matters and all it takes. Generally no real questions or inquiries follow. No real show of faith is required to satisfy these askers. It’s a hollow question. At youth club on the other hand it is a completely different story. Its asked of the leaders nearly every week and now after a few months of being asked, I’ve tired of saying yes and instead have started asking questions back such as “Are you?” or even “What do you mean by Christian?” Usually the kids cannot or do not answer the second question. This has led me to believe they are not asking me because they actually care about what I believe. They ask in distrust. They ask because they associate Christianity with force or with superiority. People who self proclaim themselves loudly and boisterously as Christians usually are the ones who have given “Christian” it’s meaning; the loudest are the definers. Sadly, the loudest are the ones condemning people to a fiery torment, and acting as though they have superior knowledge of the world and life because of their love of Jesus Christ, neither of these fostering any traces of respect or curiosity. Neither of these furthering a cause anyone titled a Christian would want.
This concept and source of negative meaning is not a new discovery to me. I realized long ago the meaning of our identifier is in trouble. It is in trouble because those who want to share God’s love do not use the same lessons we were taught in kindergarten about sharing (and frankly that are taught in the scriptures). Most attempt to force the belief on others rather then taking the time to really SHOW them God’s love and to listen rather then just teach. We are not the superior beings. What we believe is faith based so there is no reason to teach anything as fact or act as though we are wiser then others. Solid truth is not the way most actually find happiness and peace in Christianity. Its through exploration and faith.
The weekend I heard Peter Rollins speak about Christianity (this is not exactly anything he said just a twist of one aspect on my own internal debate), and he helped me put into words what I’ve been thinking for a long time, the real appeal to Christianity is not finding answers and a solid truth but instead the journey. As humans we always want something more, most of the fun is in the chase not in the actual attainment of our wants. When people look to religion what they really think they want are answers. But if we have a solid answer is that really going to be happiness? Are we really going to be content to no longer question and doubt? I would say the answer is no. We will always find someway to question and doubt so why not use this knowledge? The things we do not know for sure often do more for us then the things we actually know. The joy of Christianity is faith. It’s the hardest part but the most satisfying in the end. Its human nature: once you have what you want you move on to want something else. Christianity can offer an endless supply of more. It offers places to doubt, allowing places to expand, always presenting something more to want.
The word Christian needs this spirit back. When asked, “Are you a Christian?” I don’t want to feel as though I’m being asked if I’m a bully, a follower or part of the club but instead, an explorer. I want the word to show the entire struggle I’ve been through. Christina Tammen are you a Christian? Yes. I am a Christian. I have struggled and wrestled with God. I have questioned. I have searched for truth and have failed. I have not found fact but faith. I have taken the leap to believe in something more. I am a Christian, no better and no worse then you.
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